Uhm, What?
by maxynepayne
Summary: Tony gets drunk. Need I say more? Rated for language.
1. Chapter 1

A/N: Just something really stupid I thought of when I was reading some really hilarious fanfictions about the Avengers. XD oh God...  
Anyway, here we go!...

Uhm, What?

"BANNER! I am in need of your assistance!" Thor yelled, making Bruce wince from where he was standing in the kitchen of Stark Tower. "Ow... yes, Thor?" He asked, turning around.  
"Stark appears to have dranken too much and is now running around naked-"  
"WOOOO! IRON MAN MOTHAFUCKA! WOOOOO!" Tony yelled as he suddenly burst into the kitchen, wearing only his Iron Man helmet and holding a bottle of whiskey in one hand and Clint's pants and a camera in the other. Clint wasn't far behind, his face flushed red as his... Iron Man... underwear?  
"GIVE ME BACK MY PANTS, YOU FUCKING BASTARD!" He yelled angrily, though there was a hint of embarassment in his voice. Tony giggled. "YOU'LL HAVE TO CATCH ME FIRST, SWEETHEART! WOOOO!"  
"ARGH!"  
Bruce gawked, watching the duo leave the kitchen and go running down another hallway.  
He raised his eyebrows. "Uhm... ooh-kay, that's... yeah. We should go help Clint get his pants."  
Thor nodded. He and Bruce left the kitchen and followed the screaming and shouting Clint and Tony.

Steve cocked an eyebrow as he looked up at the ceiling after hearing a resounding thud from it. 'Wonder what's going on up there...'  
THUMP THUD WHUMP *muffled scream* "HAAHAHAHAHAHAHA! WOOOOO!" *muffled scream* THUD 'I don't think I want to know...'

Bruce ran into a wall, fell on the floor, and in the process knocked over a desk. Thor screamed like a girl. Tony ran around in a circle in the room with Clint chasing him. "HAAHAHAHAHAHAHA! WOOOOO!"  
Thor screamed again as Tony's helmet flew off and hit the wall beside him. "IRON MAN, GOOD ALCOHOL, THAT'S THE MOTHAFUCKING RECIPE! WOOOO!"  
"Ow..." Bruce groaned, sitting up and holding his head, which now had a rather nice bump on it on his forehead. "I am sorry for screaming, but Stark is beginning to scare me," Thor apologized as he helped Bruce up. "Yeah, no kidding." Bruce mumbled.  
"COME AND GET ME, HAWKEYE! OR SHOULD I SAW IRON HAWK! HAH!"  
"YOU SON OF A BITCH!"  
"No, actually my mom's a human."  
"ARGH!"  
Tony giggled as he ran off. Clint, Bruce and Thor chased him.  
'I'm so glad Natasha's off on her own mission, she would flip if she saw this...' Bruce thought as he dodged an empty whiskey bottle Tony had thrown back.

CRASH! Steve looked up from sliding more weights onto the bench press. 'Okay, something's definitely going on up there.' He thought. He abandoned the bench press and went up the stairs to the hallway. Hearing another crash from his right, he turned toward the sound and almost fell down the stairs as Tony sprinted past him... naked? "HIIIII STEVEYYY! MEET ME IN MY ROOM IN FIVE OKAYYY?" He called back with a wild grin on his face. The faint smell of whiskey filled Steve's nose. A questioning expression came over his face. "What just happened?"

45 MINUTES EARLIER...

Clint closed the bathroom door and undid his belt. It had been unusually quiet all morning, which worried Clint slightly. He had a feeling something was gonna happen, he just didn't know when. He unzipped his pants, then unbuttoned them, and was about to pull down his underwear to use the toilet when- WHAM! "HI CLINT! NICE UNDERWEAR YA GOT THERE! HEEHEE!" Click. Clint stared wide-eyed at Tony standing in the doorway of the bathroom with a camera, which he had just taken a picture of him with. "TONY!"  
"HEEHEE!" Tony reached down, pulled his pants out from underneath him, then ran off giggling madly, barely dodging an extremely surprised Thor. Clint stood up and ran after him. "GIVE ME BACK MY PANTS, YOU FUCKING BASTARD!"

FIFTY MINUTES LATER...

Steve opened the door to Tony's room, not entirely sure why he was there. But he needed answers, so coming to Tony's room when he told him to was the best, albeit only, plan he had right now. Tony looked up from where he was standing next to his bed and smiled wildly. "Hiii Steveyyy," he giggled. Steve gave a nod. "Hi Tony."  
Tony giggled again and swayed back and forth like a girl. "D'ya wanna know why I asked you to come here?" He asked as he walked- scratch that, stumbled- over to Steve. Steve nodded. "Yeah I would." He noticed that Tony was in a robe. Tony laughed, covering his mouth and still smiling. He leaned up close to him and said, "I wanted you to see me naked," He giggled once again. Steve's eyes went wide. "A-and, I wanted ta show you Clint's underwear, heeheehee, I-I took a picture, and then his PANTS! Eheeheeheehee!" Tony laughed uncontrollably. 'Holy crap, how much did he drink?' Steve asked himself in thought. "HERE!" Tony shoved a camera into his hands. He turned it over to the back and saw Clint's shocked face staring at the camera, Iron Man underwear in full view. His eyebrows went up. Tony looked up at him with a childish face. He then looked down at his feet, right foot pivoting back and forth on its big toe. "D-do ya wanna see me naked now?"  
Steve almost dropped the camera. He gulped and looked at him. "W-what?" He could see Tony's cheeks were red, and it wasn't from the alcohol or the running and laughter. "That's why I told you to come in here, isn't it?" Tony questioned. His voice was no longer childish, but instead sounded... quiet, nervous.  
Steve's eyebrows furrowed momentarily in confusion. He remembered a quote he heard someone say once, he couldn't remember all of it, but it was something about how drunk actions were sober thoughts, and suddenly it made sense. "You..."  
Tony looked up, eyes round and soft.

Things just got a whole lot more complicated.


	2. Chapter 2

CHAPTER TWO

"Uhm... I don't... I mean... er..." Steve tried to explain. Tony just stared at him with his big round doe eyes, which were kinda cloudy from the alcohol. "I don't think I should, you know, um..." Steve said exasperatedly. Why were things suddenly hard to explain? He wanted to do two things: one, make a run for it. Two, just see Tony naked, then leave. After all, he kinda already did. He chose option two. "O-okay, go ahead and show me," he told him. Tony smiled wide.  
He stood back and timidly untied the robe, then slide it off. It hit the ground soundlessly. Steve could not stop staring. He snapped out of it after a couple minutes. "Uh, okay, you showed me, can I leave?"  
Tony burst out laughing. "HAHAHAHAHAHA! YOU SAW ME NAKED! HAHAHAHAHA! JUST WAIT TIL I TELL THE OTHERS, AHAHAHAHAHA!" He ran out the door, snatching up a few bottles of scotch on the way out.  
Steve felt so confused, he facepalmed.

Thor jumped three feet in the air when Tony ran past him while his back was turned, singing, "STEVE SAW ME NA-KED, STEVE SAW ME NA-KED, STEVE SAW ME NA-KED, HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!"  
Clint peeked his head out of his doorway at the sound of Tony's voice and Thor falling. "TONY YOU FUCKER, WHAT'D YOU DO WITH THAT PICTURE?" He yelled. His response was Tony laughing and Bruce shouting in surprise when he sprinted past him, whirling him around in a circle. Clint made a beeline for him, spinning Bruce in a circle again after he'd just gotten up. Thor made his way over to him and helped him up. "Thanks buddy," Bruce thanked the thunder God.  
"You are welcome," Thor replied. He dusted him off and straightened out his shirt and pants. Bruce thanked him again, then asked, "Should we uh, help Clint or go find the picture ourselves?"  
"I would prefer we find the picture ourselves, since Stark still scares me in the current state he is in," Thor answered. Bruce did a half nod, half shrug and agreed. "Yeah, you're right. Where should we look first?"  
"One would think Stark's room would be the best place to look."  
"Right. Let's go."  
The duo ran off to Tony's room.

Steve was still standing in Tony's room, facing the spot where Tony had been standing in confusion when Bruce and Thor showed up. Bruce frowned. "Uh Steve, you OK?" He asked.  
"He just-and then-and I was-what?" Steve spluttered.  
"Let's just leave him alone," Bruce whispered to Thor, who nodded in agreement.  
Steve was still holding the camera, so finding it wasn't too hard. Thor took the camera and left the room with Bruce, leaving Steve still standing there murmuring.  
"So, what now?" Bruce asked Thor as they walked back down the hallway. Thor shrugged, an action he had picked up while in Midgard. "Me too, bud." Bruce sighed.

84 MINUTES EARLIER...

"Mr. Stark, I believe you have had enough alcohol for the morning," JARVIS told Tony, who was downing the rest of the contents of a bottle of whiskey. Tony shook his head as he threw the bottle down onto the floor. "I'm just getting warmed up, JARVIS." He disagreed. He picked up another bottle and opened it, taking a long swig. "You have been drinking non-stop for an hour now, Mr. Stark. I advise you to stop."  
"No way, JARVIS." Another swig.  
"Your hangover, as it is called, will be particularly painful if you do not." JARVIS began to sound concerned. Big swig. "Ey you know what JARVIS, I'm gonna make a body for ya so you can walk around and shit, yaknow?"  
"I believe you are becoming intoxicated, Mr. Stark."  
"Maybe we can even mess around a little." Swig.  
"Mr. Stark-"  
"I did a good job choosing your voice, you sound really fucking sexy."  
"I believe I should contact Miss Potts now-" Now JARVIS sounded really concerned.  
"Aw come on JARVIS, don't go and ruin our fun." Finished off that bottle, onto the next one.  
"Please Mr. Stark, don't drink anymore today."  
"God JARVIS, call me Tony, it sounds so much sexier."  
"Mr. Stark, please don't do this to yourself-"  
"I'm gonna go start working on that body for ya now," Tony struggled to sit up as he took a drink from his bottle of whiskey, but managed to do it and stood up. He swayed back and forth slightly, taking another drink. "I'm gonna make you look so hot," he said to the worried and slightly flustered JARVIS. "Not that you need my help."  
If JARVIS had hands, he would've rubbed his slightly red face in exasperation. "Mr. Stark, please."  
Tony downed another bottle and snatched up a new one and drank all of it. He continued that pattern until JARVIS gave up. If it hadn't been for that promise of a body he would've called Miss Potts. "HEHE, I WONDER WHAT CLINT'S UP TO, HEHE." Tony picked up his camera and headed to the bathroom, where he'd heard Clint go into a few seconds earlier.  
"Oh dear." JARVIS commented.

85 MINUTES LATER...

"This is a really stupid idea," Bruce said to Thor as he uploaded the picture of Clint in his underwear to the computer. "But it will be worth it," Thor replied as he smirked. Loki must be rubbing off on him. "Oh yeah, it totally will be." Bruce said with a smile. He opened the internet and went to Tumblr, then uploaded the picture to an Avengers thread after creating a new account so Clint wouldn't be able to tell right away who posted it. Thor and Bruce smiled at each other when Bruce clicked on his posts and saw the posted picture. "So worth it."

Steve had gone back to working out in the workout room, Tony had passed out on the couch after his tenth bottle of scotch, Clint had found the camera and deleted the picture(though it was too late now, but not that he knew that) and had gone to sleep in his room, Bruce and Thor were watching a movie in the living room, and Natasha came back from her mission later on after Thor and Bruce had gone to bed.

THE NEXT MORNING...

Clint walked into the kitchen with his laptop and made himself a cup of coffee, feeling better now that he'd deleted that picture. He opened his laptop and turned it on, then went to his email. There was one from Coulson, so he clicked on that one first. It read,  
'Have you seen this?' and there was a link. He clicked on it, and when he saw the picture on Tumblr his eyes went wide.  
It was the picture of him in his red Iron Man underwear. It had over a million notes, and over three dozen added captions onto the picture from the other users who'd reposted it. He screamed. Steve walked in and took out a cup from the cupboard and went over to the coffee maker. As he poured himself some coffee he said to Clint-who had immediately clicked back when he'd walked in-"So, Iron Man huh?"

Thor and Bruce rolled on the floor laughing in Bruce's room as Clint yelled down the phone to Fury and Coulson telling them that they need to delete the picture from the internet immediately.


End file.
